I arrived to the orphanage exactly a month ago. It went by so fast and looking back, I've already experienced more than some get to experience in a lifetime.
Although I am much more used to being here now and living the way they do, it is still challenging. Actually I am faced with more and more challenges everyday and they just keep on getting bigger, but for every challenge God puts in front of me, He sends me a blessing equally as large so they seem to balance out.
I am becoming strong. Not physically but realizing with God's help, I can handle anything that comes my way. It doesn't mean that it will be easy or that I will enjoy it, but I will get through it. The saying really is true that God will never give you anything you can't handle. That is being proved to me everyday.
I was thinking back to my old life; you know the one where I wasted money, time, and pretty much wasted everything good I had to live a shameful life without the Love of God? Most of you know what I'm talking about. I remember towards the end of that downward spiral I was on, I was thinking that there had to be more to that life I was living. I can not tell you how thankful I am for that time of brokenness. Or the time last summer/fall where I thought I was an example of what walking dead was. Isn't that the time in life, where we are living in the desert place, that we almost feel God the most even though we feel so empty and alone? I think it's because we know something is missing, and in the same way I felt it, there just had to be something more to life. Does that make sense?
I was talking to someone recently and was telling them about the kind of life I used to live, and it was so difficult for me because I am so ashamed of the choices I made, but at the same time, I couldn't wish to change anything, because I would not be living this amazing and beautiful life that I have been given today.
It's so awesome to look back and see how God is so faithful, even when you feel that He's absent. He never is. He does not leave. We do.
That doesn't really have much to do with anything I'm doing specifically here, but is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately. Even looking back over the past few weeks it's so apparent to me the work God is constantly doing in my life. It's hard to believe He's working just as hard in everyone else's life as well.
It's so awesome to hear people pray here and even though I have no idea what they're saying, God does. We all worship one God no matter where we are or what language we speak. Isn't that incredible?
It's small lessons like that, that I am learning everyday, making my appreciation for God's Greatness expand even more.
Yesterday was really difficult for me. I learned some things that upset me greatly and ended up just sitting and letting tears flow like the Niagra Falls.
Immediately, all of the kids kept asking me why I was crying, and I couldn't really explain it. I think a lot of built up emotion just came pouring out.
I was laying upstairs on a mat with my pillow and Aasha (Ah-Sha), who is teeny and just 3 years old, and doesn't talk much, came up to me, wiped my tears away and kissed me on the cheek. She then proceeded to put heat powder (to make you not sweat) on my face and neck and just looked at me and smiled and laid her head on my shoulder while she played with my hair.
Swathi (Swa-tee) came and sat by me and saw that I was upset, and because the power had been out for a while, the fans weren't working, therefore making it unbearably hot. She found some thick paper laying around and just sat there fanning me and telling me it was ok and not to cry, with the most compassionate look I've ever seen on a child.
I don't like crying or feeling weak around people. But between those girls and talking to a few people back home, all of my problems seemed to fade away and I found myself actually full of joy once again.
It's crazy to see how faithful God is to heal the deepest parts of you after you decide to surrender your life to Him.
Mondays are my designated day off. This means I get to sleep in past 530. I woke up when the kids did out on the covered roof (does that make sense? I dont know what else to call it) and went to my room and fell back asleep for a few hours which felt SO nice. Mounika (4-years-old) came in and saw my feet sticking out of my sheet and pulled it down so I would be fully covered. Then she found some of the bangles that I had just bought, sitting on my bed. (Remember, I am pretty much passed out and couldn't move or talk because I was so tired.) She tried to put them on my wrist but she couldn't get them on because I was no help. Then she would kiss me and after me not saying anything to her because i was sleeping, she would say "I am fine thank you" and walk out (that's pretty much all of the English she knows.) She came back about 4 more times and did the same thing. A kiss and "i am fine thank you." Even though i was basically sleeping, it was so funny. The last time she came back she found my brush, brushed through my hair once, kissed me, said "i am fine thank you" and then said "i love you."
Those are just a couple specific examples of why all of the challenges here and sacrifices are worth it. I am absolutely in love with these children. I love them like they're my family and they blow me away everyday with their joy and love for God and others.
So things are good. It's easy to get frustrated and irritated here especially in this heat, but God is here, along with us every step of the way.
Thomas is leaving tonight to go back to America, and Breana leaves on Wednesday. Please pray for them as they try to get readjusted to a lifestyle so completely different from here.
I apologize for this update being so random and going all over the place, but it is late here, and I'm tired and get distracted extremely easily. :)
Thank you for your continued love and prayers throughout my journey.
Grace and Peace,
Jenna
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