A breaking heart

This week hasn't been so easy.

Although I am sure that this is what God wants for me and everyone involved, having to see these kids everyday, knowing that I'll be leaving them soon just rips my heart out.

Somehow, all of the older girls found out so during prayer time, they literally are pulling on both of my arms to get me to sit by them, and when we pray, I have 4 kids holding onto me or getting me to hold onto them.

When they asked me about leaving (they think i'm coming home July 15, which im not) they told me that when I left they would cry a lot, and asked if I was going to cry. Usually my response is, "You know everyday when everyone is at school? I am in my room for at least an hour crying my eyes out."

They're already making me promise that I will call them and write to them and show everyone back home my pictures.

I've been here for almost 3 months so far. Some of the days here felt so long, I never thought they would end but looking back, i can't believe I've been here for so long. It feels like just yesterday that i was getting off the plane in Vijaywada (the smallest airport i've ever seen).

To this day, I still wake up everyday thinking, "I can't believe I'm in India." Last night when the rain was coming I just stood outside and looked at the land and buildings around me.

This is not something I'm ever going to get back. Even if I come back to India someday, it will never be the same as my time here now.

Leaving Vijay (Peter's sister...aka my Amma) is going to be especially hard. We've created a special bond between us..like a very close mother and daughter and when I told her I had to leave, she got so sad.

When I asked her about going shopping and to lunch just the two of us, first she said, "No. You stay here." She wants to keep me inside of these walls so I won't leave, and then she said "My heart...breaking."

Ah. I am all over the place emotion-wise. So sad, but ok with this decision because, like Nate told me, I am not going to be here a minute longer than I'm supposed to be, or a minute shorter than i'm supposed to be.

I am so grateful to all of you who have been so supportive of me during my time here. This includes way back in October when I decided to come, and throughout the whole process of getting here, actually being here, and now, preparing to come home. I don't know what I would do without you all.