An early arrival

As some of you know, I will be coming home very shortly.

After seeking much advice and opinions from others who know what's going on, we decided this is the best thing for me. It has nothing to do with my health and nothing bad happened here.

I can't get into any detail right now, but this is something beyond my control, and at first I was so upset and cried everyday, but realized that if this is what God wants, then there's no fighting against it, even though i feel like my heart isn't ready to come back yet. I'm sure God will work on that though.

I was sure that I was going to just stay depressed and i wondered how this could happen, when I hadn't planned on coming back until at least October.
How often though, do things happen when WE want it to instead of when God wants it to? Not very.

I can't say I'm not going to wonder how the kids are when I'm back home, and miss them like crazy, but after not sleeping night after night and being so distraught over this, I realized that when i think of how much I love them and care for them, i can't even imagine the love God has for them and how much He cares for them..

Because of this, i will rest in the fact that God is going to take care of my babies and this situation.
I can only assume that there are bigger and better plans that i just can't see yet.

All I can do is hug them extra tight, and tell them that I love them 100x more per day.

The only things I worry about are:

Did I show them I loved them enough?
Do they know that they changed my life?
Do they know that they taught me how to love like I didn't know how to before?
Do they know that I will miss them with everything I have in me?
Do they know that I will remember them for the rest of my life?
Will they remember me?

The kids don't know yet. We're going to wait until about a week before I leave.
However, a few of them, the ones who pick up on things very easily, have figured out that something is going on, so they're staying extra close to me and are loving me just a little more than usual, even though they aren't exactly sure what's happening.

I will be very sad, and probably cry a lot, but I will not worry because I know that God will take care of them even better than I have, and I trust in Him because He brought them here and gave them a wonderful life and has protected them all and will continue to do so, especially in my absence.

Maybe I just thought it would take 6 months to a year for me to change and to feel God. However, in the last couple of months, I have been more changed and have learned and experienced more than I had ever imagined for myself in a year.

I've learned that there is no specific time you have to do something to be changed. You just have to willing to open yourself up and let yourself be.

I am determined to come back a more compassionate, loving and joyful person than i was when I left.

Please bare with me while I re-adjust to American living and the occasional tears.

I refuse to let this put a stop to my life or my desire to keep traveling and serving in different places.

There is no exact date of return yet, but it will be soon.

See you then.